How to Set Healthy Personal Boundaries to Protect Your Emotional Health

Healthy personal boundaries are (to me) an act of self-care. They can support our emotional health by ensuring that in-between meeting our external obligations, we are also prioritising and meeting our internal needs.

If you find yourself regularly compromising your time, energy and needs in favour of putting others and their needs and wants first, then it might be time to reassess where the bulk of your energy is being invested and make some supportive changes that protect and respect your own time and energy.

Society and familial pressures can make us feel guilty for wanting to say no, even when it places so much overwhelm on our shoulders. Many people, women especially, feel selfish at putting themselves first. We worry what will happen if we don’t get everything done, as if the world would fall apart.

Our expectations to be perfect, keep it together and not let anyone down often stem from underlying limiting beliefs, learned examples, and lack of self-worth: I can’t let them down, If I don’t do this they won’t like me, It has to be done ‘right’!

Learning to trust that others are capable and can do tasks on their own, in their own way, is about learning to let go of the need to do it ‘quickly’, ‘perfectly’ or ‘right’ ourselves.

I’ve been known to extend myself on many occasions for the sake of these very reasons! But in the end, it only made me feel pressured, exhausted and resentful.

Most likely the only person expecting you to be ‘perfect’ or ‘everything to everyone’, is YOU! Learning to accept who you are (even though you may like to make changes) opens the way for self-compassion, collaboration and self-responsibility.  

We can learn to stop ‘doing or appeasing’ – even if others choose to feel disappointed by our limits. We can learn to set healthy boundaries and assert ourselves politely and firmly! Here’s an example: “Unfortunately I don’t have time to fix this problem for you, but I believe you are capable of doing it yourself”.  😉 

Self-respect equates to valuing who you are and what you have to offer the world. This deserves to be protected in the form of healthy personal boundaries.

Examples might be:

• Saying NO when you really want to say no
• Spending a little time alone each day to breathe and relax
• Meditating to learn how to let go of unnecessary things
• Stepping back from doing to enjoy more relaxing activities
• Creating an evening routine to support restful sleep
• Setting time aside to discuss your fears and problem solve them
• Make time for your favourite activities and hobbies
• Choose foods that energise, replenish and satisfy you
• Eat slowly, mindfully and enjoy nourishing your body
• Listen to your body over ignoring hunger or bladder signals

A great resource for setting personal boundaries can be found in the book, Boundaries Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries

Below is a modified list to help you get started:

• When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting.
• You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for clearly and respectfully communicating your boundary. If it upsets the other person, be confident knowing it is not your problem. Some people, especially those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might test you. Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm. Remember, your behaviour must match the boundaries you are setting. You cannot successfully establish a clear boundary if you send mixed messages by apologizing.
• At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to protect yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.
• When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say, then communicate assertively.
• Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in your own time frame, not when someone else tells you.
• Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic people from your life—those who want to manipulate, abuse, and control you.

Establishing healthy boundaries that align with your values, and enforcing them to respect yourself (and your time, energy and emotional health) helps to build self-worth and confidence.

Next, consider your lifestyle.

It’s important to know which areas may need some attention in improving your overall health and wellbeing as part of your daily self-care. Look at all the areas of your life: family, work, fitness, stress, relaxtion, relationships, creativity, community, and purpose/passions.

What are you doing to help yourself feel nourished in each life area that contribute to protecting your boundaries and supports your emotional wellbeing? Ask yourself the following questions as a starting point: 

• Are you managing your stress adequately?
• Are you making time to connect with friends and family?
• Are you enjoying time for your favourite sports or hobbies?
• Are you talking through your worries and actively problem-solving?
• Are you attending to your own needs with time for reflection?
• Are you getting enough quality rest and regular movement?
• Are you including protein rich foods and healthy fats at every meal?
• Are you challenging yourself to grow and develop?

Making self-care a priority takes practice and awareness, but in the end, we are each responsible for respecting and valuing ourselves and paving the way for how others treat us.

It’s healthy to put our own needs first so we have more of our authentic selves to give.

Self-Care is non-negotiable. It’s essential and it’s your responsibility to prioritise and protect.